I quit my job.  It’s not as crazy as it sounds.  Well, maybe it is.  Especially considering when I quit, no other offers existed.  Raising three beautiful daughters, I need a job, but the one I had just wasn’t right.  Struggling with the decision, I ask God, “Should quit my job?” All I heard was crickets.

But I knew in my heart, it was time to move on.  Talk about being terrified.  And yet for some reason, I wasn’t.  Not this time.

Do not fear is written over 400 times in the bible.  God must have known we would struggle with it since He wrote it so many times.  And usually, His “Do not fear” is followed by, “because I am with you.”

Something powerful happens when we know someone is “with us”.  My fear takes a back seat when I realize someone is on my side.   

I grew up learning to depend on myself, not on others and not on God.  The type A, over achiever, planner in me throws a low blow, You are irresponsible for quitting a job when you have nothing else.  And yet I know God wants me to depend on Him, to take the risk, He is with me.  Honoring Him is more important than my comfort so I step up to the challenge to Trust.

Out of nowhere and when I least expect it, fear trips me up and sucker punches me square in the jaw.  Jab…jab…cross, hook.  I haven’t written on this blog for more than three weeks because I am afraid.  Why am I writing…I am not a writer?  Who is even reading this? It’s hard work and why does it even matter?

Much of my life has been dictated by Fear.  I consistently choose safe, sure and secure. But a few years ago, something more was calling and I started thinking, what if everything God wants for me is outside of my comfort zone.  What am I afraid of?  Who am I depending on?  I want to live outside of that box that I made for myself.

That’s when God called me to Africa, the first time.  No, I didn’t hear God’s voice…but that would be really cool if I did.  An idea was planted, just a seed.  I was immediately terrified, followed quickly by “that’s impossible”.  But my Courage quickly countered, nothing is impossible with God (Matthew 10:27).

Ugh!  Ok, so it’s not impossible.  God can do anything but why me and why Africa…more fear.

But God then showed me He was “with me.”  

Each week for work, I would travel to Chicago.  This particular week, as I got ready, I go round after round in my head the countless reasons why I cannot go to Africa.  I have three daughters that need me.  I have a full time job; I’ve never taken two weeks off work. It’s expensive, God, I don’t have the money or the time.  I don’t have a plan or a purpose.  

This fight continues, even as I stand waiting in the taxi line.  I can’t take it anymore, so I test Him.  I surrender…in my head…I say these words…Fine God, if you want me to go to Africa, then you are going to have to drop Africa in my lap.

And I let it go.

No longer am I stressing about Africa, but now irritated waiting thirty minutes for a cab.   Why is this taking so long?  The bellman sees me eyeing him and throws his hands up in utter frustration.  It’s never this long.

Finally, success!  The bellman smiles widely, opens the door and I jump in to greet the driver.  “Hello, and Good Morning,” I say brightly, no reason to be irritated with the cabbie, not his fault.

He speaks and with only two words out of his mouth, I know immediately.  My heart takes off in my chest and I can barely speak.  But I cannot help myself, I am caught somewhere between already knowing his answer and trying to contain my disbelief.

“Where are you from?”

“I’m from Africa.”

And he continues pattering on….but I barely hear what he is now telling me.  Things about his family, his region, the last time he has been there.  I don’t remember the rest because all that was running through my head was…God just told me to go to Africa!

Stunned, I think, I told God that He was going to have to drop it in my lap and He just dropped Africa in my lap.  

At this moment, my fear was replaced with a deep sense that God was “with me“.  He was preparing me for HIS adventure.  I had a choice, I could step out in Faith knowing He was with me or cower in the corner.  

Now, two years later and He is calling me to Africa again.  To Climb a Mountain?  But I have never climbed a mountain.  And that old brawler, Fear, pokes and jabs incessantly at my insides.  I make the choice to roll with the punches, trusting HIM to see what He has next.

And my job?  Well, I quit my job on a Thursday morning and by the same Thursday afternoon I had a call with a new job offer.  Crazy, insane and impossible.

God tells us to bring everything to the store house (Malachi 3:10). Everything. Whatever it is we give to God, he multiplies.

In my training, I am learning that Life is a lot like climbing a mountain.  My desire is to conquer the mountain and drive head long straight up; preferring the shortest, easiest route.

But the mountain, like life, has switch backs; obstacles all along the way.  Likely, straight up the mountain isn’t the ideal path.  My switch backs are leading me to courage, patience, perseverance and a burgeoning faith, the real reward for all the training.

I am not telling you to go out and quit your job, or climb a mountain in Africa.  The calling out is different for all of us.  God calls us out so we know we can trust Him, depend on Him.  He is with us!

Even though He tells me over and over, not to fear, Fear will still come and taunt me.  But as with any training, I am learning to fight Fear and win; patiently climbing up the mountain, one step at a time.